Well I went out for a bike ride this morning and got a bit of a thirst on, well it was hot; so decided to find a pub for a cheeky one, as you do. First intentions were to go to the Bowl Inn at Charing or the Plough at Stalisfield but ended up in the Carpenters Arms at Eastling.
So had a bowl of chips and a couple of pints of Shepherd Neame Whitstable Bay lager, yeah, the L-word drink, well it was damned hot Carruthurs. On the cycle home I was musing about the experience and realised I didn’t have a rating for how good or bad a pub is. Then it came to me, separate ratings for the Landlord/Lady, the pub and the beer. So here it is, the Three B’s test:
Bloody Nice Bloke
Bloody Nice Beer
Bloody Nice Pub.
Yeah I know, that’s five B’s and a P, but hey-ho.
The Bloody Nice Bloke test on a scale of 1 to 4
1 – a complete knob.
2 – ok but seems a bit of a twat.
3 – you can sit and talk to him for a while, but to long.
4 – a diamond geezer
The Bloody Nice Beer test on a scale of 1 to 6
1 – one sip and you spit it out, put the pint down and walk out telling the landlord he’s a certain part of female genitalia for serving it.
2- not to good
3 – ok but not the best you’ve had
4 – hmmmm nice
5 – lovely
6 – Feek me that’s gorgeous
The Bloody Nice Pub test on a scale of 1 to 5
1 – a shithole
2 – a bit tacky, not your usual choice of pub but you were gagging for a pint
3 – a good local
4 – a brilliant local
5 – Nirvana